My heart was swimming in words gathered by the wind. Voices bounded into a cloud-carried tomorrow. Maybe if the wind was not blowing, or the stars twinkling, I really did not know what in God's name I was doing. I'm confused, I really am. I just felt,light,breezy and very empty. Alone.


You could say I have no purpose, yes, unidentified. I've lost my voice to what I can say, it's just lingering. It stings my eyes.
My eyes are blurred. Whenever I hear my voice, my heart thumps faster, as if I have never heard a speech or babble. I feel like I have been swept of what little life I have had, reincarnation. It is like amnesia but I know who I am.

I lurched forward to try touching the moon,its crescent's reflection gazing over me. My fingertips could not touch them, the surface of that moonlight reflection. I will not move, I just could not move. I can try, I could,I want to reach, but my body seems petrified. My body feels cold.

What am I doing? Am I just here, standing on a ledge, or am I really somewhere else standing? I felt moisture trickle down my cheeks. Was I really who I was? Or am I just a pathetic loser, sitting on a ledge, waiting to fall? Whatever I was, I do not know. That answer is unsolved.


I watched and gazed towards the stars. I saw a falling star. I tried to grasp it in my hand again. It's no use. A chill ran down my spine, and I held my worn jacket closer. I felt more tears streaming down. What was this emptiness I was feeling?

"My heart that had been in a moon-blurred mirror that breaks.
Those stars that trembled and spilled cannot hide my tears"

I saw little droplets of white stream down onto the ground, as if the arrival of something important has just arrived. I felt those particles fell onto my hand. They were tiny and unique, unlike the others, and they were alone,just like me. The moon was shining on me again. Then I remembered.




It was a lonely place, that tree.The huge pine tree was only a few distance away. I shivered.

It was all lonely,bare and empty.It's leaves had fallen. We were out in the Keane's Street for some items, clothes, and Dad went to work. Mum was looking at some magazines, and my brother, Stan wandered off, without Mum knowing. A man snatched him, as he explained in the ransom note later. It had been two weeks.

Two weeks, and the man threatened to use unforgivable methods. I was only a child then. I didn't know what to do to help Mum.
I ran off two days after the ransom note came. I ran, running for hours, never ceasing to rest. I wanted my brother, I wanted him home.

I collapsed, later that day, after sunset. It was near that pine tree. When I woke up, I could hear Mum's sobs, and her tears splashing on my cheeks. I swore then, I would stop doing things to make her cry. And I did eventually.

I went into Stan's room and found his journal lying on his bed.


"Journal,

Sorry to give you mushy stuffs to read about but I just don't know. I feel alone. I really think I've lost him for good. My only friend, my brother and he is gone.

Gone.

He didn't move away, he didn't ignore me and met other friends.No. He's too dead for that now.I don't know what came to me, journal. I'm scared. I think I...killed someone.

I got so angry with him that day. I remember him screaming, and squirming, and I think I felt great doing it. You know, stab,kick and punch. I don't know journal. I'm scared journal. What if I hurt someone again?

What am I to do journal?"




I felt sick to my stomach, queasy. Had someone possessed my brother? I didn't know what to think.

I think my family really did grow-up faster than any family I've known. I think we've been the only family to grow and live facades, and make everyone believe it so.

Words halted by wind are gentle illusions and tomorrow torn by clouds is the voice of a distant place.

The tears were pouring harder now, staining my cheeks. I felt weak. I heard footsteps coming closer. I wrapped myself, tugging my jacket hard, which was hanging near my side. I placed the hood above my head, and stayed still.

I heard the footsteps come closer, and I heard a voice. It was singing, and in a foreign language.

I heard them sigh.

"Why must it be the same, every single day?" they said.

I had wondered the same. Silent tears gushed down, and the snow had covered my jacket. The figure came up to me, and asked who I was. I told them I was nothing.

He removed the hood from my head, and I saw face to face with piercing gray eyes. It was Stan.

"What the hell are you doing here,Sean," as a sneer was in order.

I would not be here much longer.I can feel something stab into my heart. It was sharp and sudden.
Kicked and being punch, I could not evade. It was my purpose to jump but blood was seeping out of me making me feel weaker and prevented me from doing so..

I faced him, and spoke my last words,
"I really don't know. But I'll tell you this. I won't be here much longer."

I muttered a farewell, and I leaned forward and let myself float. I heard his scream. I closed my eyes, and let the blissfulness take over me. Tears came gushing down on my cheeks.

That and I was no more.